Happiness

My CD player is broke in my car and I have a 50 to 60 minute drive to work so I'm constantly changing the station on my radio. In the last two days, I've heard three different radio stations mention a recent study that couples without kids are happier than those with kids. http://www.cnn.com/2014/01/14/living/parents-happiness-child-free-studies/

I unconditionally love my three children and can't imagine my life without them but at the same time, I loved their dad first. If I understand the recent study correctly, if I didn't have kids, I would be happier in my marriage than I am with my three children. I have a hard time believing this. But at the same time, I have plenty of friends without kids that are very happy. So who's right? I have to admit that I'm a skeptic when it comes to the latest "study" especially when you're trying to measure an emotion like happiness.

I think what the study boiled down to is how well do we tend to and nurture our relationships? My husband and I just returned from a belated 25th Anniversary trip where we enjoyed time together without our kids. As I reflect on our marriage and on our family as a whole, there are highs and lows, times where we were more happy than others. Nurturing our relationships can be A LOT of work and I think this is the reason why some relationships are stronger and more fulfilling than others. We have to be intentional about relationship building.

Just because of the way life happens, my husband and I are currently on our 2nd "living apart" phase of our marriage. And although we know it's only temporary, we know we have to be intentional about how we spend our time when we are together and keeping in touch and communicating when we're apart. Otherwise we begin to grow distant and are less happy. 

Sure I wish I was better at nurturing my relationships. I admit, I don't call my parents, kids, siblings and friends enough but thanks to Facebook and Twitter, I feel like I'm still in touch. The intentional work that goes into relationship building is fruitful and I do feel happier and less lonely when I've given the relationships in my life some attention.

So do kids make your marriage less happy? I don't believe so. What I do believe is that all of my relationships are grounded in the relationship I have with God. I am able to love my husband and children because God first loved me. We are made in God's image and are God's beloved children. When I'm tending to my relationship with God, I am often reminded of others in my life and take that as a nudge to reach out and be intentional about my relationship with them. "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." John 1:1